I wish there was a way I could show you,

How much you mean to me,

I wish there was a way you understood,

Without me having to explain it.

When I tell you I pray for you,

You send out a laugh as if it means nothing,

But I know how much my heart cries,

Every time I make that small prayer.

You say I don’t express enough,

Well what I do is the best I can,

If I could cut my chest open and show it all to you I would,

But that would mean I would have to die,

And I don’t want to die, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

My one lack of phone call made you say so many things,

They hurt me and made me cry,

But I leave them in the past, because they are said and gone,

And I don’t want to waste any more time NOT loving you enough.

Hurting you is not even the last thing on my mind,

Loving you is all that is,

I wish I dint have to say this and explain,

Because it makes me sad that I cant show you to believe.

I know you are upset, and sad that I dint understand you,

But so am I, and I’m sorry I dint cal, but I never meant to hurt you,

Please don’t call me insensitive I beg, because my love for you I can’t explain,

You are my cute little angel and If I could I’d show you YOUR wings through the reflection of my heart.

Lets put this in the past, what I did and what you said,

I don’t want to regret not smiling at your thought even for a second,

Because I love you, and only you and again I can’t begin to explain how much,

Please try and understand it I pray to you,

As I am just human, and you are my angel.

still HOT

Just when I was talking to my friend on Facebook he made a weird comment to which I replied “don’t judge me.”

Well you can’t blame me for that it has always been this way. I do something and get judged for that.  My friend on Facebook was just being himself and telling me the truth, but the truth is generally hard to accept. Isn’t it?

I always hear people saying. “Just be yourself” but then those same people are the ones who say things and pass comments on you and others as if it is their business. Why?? I don’t understand.  I hear things like “I hate fake people”, “you can be honest to me “, “please tell me the truth”. But how many of those people follow that? I don’t know. But I kind of know the reason why. They are all scared of being judged. If you happen to tell people who you truly are you are scared that they may hate you. The fear of rejection and of being unwanted is what takes the toll of you. I personally do not blame people who may lie to me about themselves as any way it is none of my business to know the truth about them. But yes, I will have a problem with prejudice and hypocrisy. It is very easy to get into the band wagon and say you agree to something when in real you don’t, and it is also very easy to pass a comment and judgment over someone when you know the half truth or no truth at all. All this happens just to “FIT IN.”

Everybody wants to fit in, and why shouldn’t they?? After all that’s how it works right? Most of us are not loners so we do give a damn about the society and want to be involved in it. We all want to sit together and bitch about a particular girl who has no dressing sense, we all want to have a beer and pretend that we enjoy it because everybody does that, we all want to make fun of that boy who rides a scooty and fills petrol of just 30rs. We all do it, including me.

Sometimes to feel good about your miserable life one tends to put someone else down. Everybody at some point or the other in their life tends to do this mistake. Yes I call it a mistake and sooner you learn that the better it is for you as you can also be a victim of someone else’s judgment and not even know.

My point is you should “Just be yourself” but sometimes it’s ok not to be. What you have done and what you have become today is your journey and no other person on this planet is in the place to ‘know’ that. They may listen and say they understand and by that they mean they are taking it in their stride, digesting the fact, they understand you they do not understand the situation simply because they are not where you are. Nevertheless stick to these people, because by doing this they respect you for who you are.

This gets me to think that following the band wagon is so easy but going against it and being accepted so dearly is something that I have seen happen only with one person in my life. He is the only one I know who has never been anything other than just himself with everybody, no exceptions and is loved and adored by all. He is the only one who has put a point so easily and smoothly in front of me, and being the rigid person I am when it comes to arguments, I was left with no choice but to accept them all with full agreement. Of course there is a difference between just accepting and accepting with agreement right? He makes it look so easy to be yourself and I am sure he doesn’t have to work hard for that and also I am proud to say that he is the love of my life but not anyone and everyone can be like him. He has the blessing of being truthful to himself and others. Most of us can do it only with ourselves but for that too one requires a conscious. There are all kinds of people and the ones who can really be themselves are the lucky ones. Being you and being truthful are two different things. But that is a whole other topic to discuss. If and only if we could all do that, it would definitely be so easy to actually LIVE.

P.S. I named this blog “STILL HOT” because that’s what my friends said to me when we had this discussion. The discussion is “STILL HOT” *wink*

Opposites Attract !!! are we really opposites??

Introduction

Ever seen those movies where the guy is always the one who screws up. The gal is this ideal person who hardly makes any mistakes and the guy is d immature one making mistakes and creating history. The girl’s father is the one who doesn’t approve of the guy because he feels that he is not fit for his daughter and in spite of several attempts the guy fails to make things right, and say he does succeed, something comes his way and he screws up yet again. My story is kind of similar except that it’s d opposite. I (the girl) am the one who screws up, and He (the guy) is the good one in the relationship. 

Having this wonderful man in my life I feel so lucky and blessed. Even he says the same, that he feels lucky and blessed but I wonder why he says that. I am just this ordinary girl with a little more than ordinary looks, but my lifestyle, behavior, dressing is all extra ordinary and, not in a good way. I have a particular way of living in which I make sure I don’t hurt anyone in the bargain of keeping myself entertained but when I end up hurting someone it kills me. Especially when it is someone I dearly love. He is the ideal man, the one that everybody loves, pet in the house and adored by his friends, hardworking, honest and empathetic, Kind, polite and mature. The one, who knows to maintain relationships, and touch his elders feet when he meets them. The one who plans about his future and makes a budget, the one woman man, a true lover and a loving son. I, on the other hand am that crazy chick who goes for parties and dances like a freak, who has tried all kinds of drinks possible and had a few relationships and ended them, I am that in disciplined girl who has cheated for her exams and failed countless times. I am that crazy chick who has sneaked out of the house and gotten caught, but at the same time I am also that girl who has a strong willpower and fought cancer, I am that girl who has chosen her family over love, I am that girl who will stand like a shield in front of her family and protect them if any one even tries to lay a finger on them, I am that girl who knows to love. But is that enough??!!

Our 1st Valentine

Somewhere I belong, somewhere in your heart,

You have given me so much but a little place would be enough,

You are my dream Shanii, and I love you with all my might,

My soul belongs to you, and to you belongs my life.

Your eyes so beautiful, your smile so divine,

You taste so delicious my chocolate praline,

When I close my eyes I see you,

And every time you touch me I feel new.

Sorrows have disappeared out of my life,

I keep singing day and night,

I know my poem is silly and very plain,

But you know silly lines are easy to frame.

I don’t even have to worry to impress you,

But I still want to because its YOU,

YOU are someone I dreamed of all my life,

And now that I have you I want to love the hell out of your life.

No matter how much you say,

That you are lucky to have me,

But God knows the truth,

As he has written my story.

I love you more than my life,

And I am sorry I dint do anything extraordinary for you today,

This itself shows that I am so ordinary,

And you are great to love me without any plans.

No matter what I do for you, I’ll always fall short,

But I will try till my last breath,

Because you deserve nothing less,

Nothing less than my life’s worth.